Without a doubt, 2020 has been a difficult year for many of us. Not only the life and death issues brought with the pandemic, but all of the economic and familial uncertainty as well. For many, this year has added or exacerbated layers of difficulty in relationships and in marriages.
The New Year may have many people thinking about their life, their choices and the future. If one of your New Year’s goals is to get out of your marriage, you’re not alone. Maybe the COVID-19 pandemic was especially hard on you because you felt “stuck” in a marriage that was not working. Maybe it confirmed your worst fears about your spouse or your relationship.
Whatever the case, you don’t have to go through another year of disappointment. If you’re truly unhappy, divorce may be an option to consider.
Let’s look at a few signs that your marriage may be over, and what you can do about it.
Living With a Broken Marriage
You’re the only one who knows how your relationship makes you feel. Many times, simply “trusting your gut” is enough to make you realize that you’re in an unhappy marriage. There are also several common signs that you may be on the verge of divorce that you should pay attention to, including:
- You never argue, because you avoid each other constantly
- You feel a desire to provoke your spouse into an argument (or vice versa)
- Your spouse makes your heart race or turns your stomach in knots whenever they are around
- You’re not your real self around your spouse
- You don’t feel you can forgive him/her
- Divorce or separation has already been brought up, or you’ve at least thought about it
If you’re constantly wondering if you should stay or go, that is probably a sign that something within the marriage is not working. If any of these common signs sound like you, it’s probably difficult to see them all laid out like this. But again, you’re not alone. Your unhappiness doesn’t have to last forever.
You’re Taking Back Your Happiness – What Next?
If you’ve decided that it’s time to get a divorce from your spouse, you’re left with the overwhelming feeling of, “what’s next?”
The very first thing you need to do is talk to your spouse about it. Keep in mind that words like divorce and separation are very powerful and real. These words are difficult to take back and you also don’t want sugarcoat them. Make sure you’ve thought about your decision without any pressure. Take your time in considering your options- remember, there is no need to rush.
When you decide to have the conversation with your spouse about your decision, chose a time when you know they are less vulnerable. They might get angry, sad, or overwhelmed. Sometimes, they might agree with you, knowing the marriage is no longer working. In those cases, the divorce process can be much easier, since you’re amicable about it.
Getting a Divorce and Finding Freedom
Getting a divorce can go many ways. The most important thing is to become informed so you can decided on the divorce process that works best for you, your family and your soon to be ex-spouse. Don’t ignore your own mental health or wellbeing during this time. Things like divorce counseling can make a big difference in helping you to get through your separation without feeling so overwhelmed.
On the other side of your divorce, you can find freedom and the silver lining as you navigated through this difficult process.
If you’re going through a divorce or you need help re-establishing your sense of self, please contact the San Diego Divorce Counseling Center at www.DivorceCounselingCenter.com and click the Book Online button, or call us at 619-865-3203, to set up an appointment.