Divorce can change your life in many ways. It’s often a difficult journey from start to finish.
When you’re separating from your spouse and negative things are being brought to light, your self-esteem often gets rattled.
In order to effectively get through this major life change and move forward, you have to be able to rebuild that self-esteem. So, whether your former spouse was the one that broke down your self-esteem or the divorce process itself made you question it, recovering and feeling worthy again is the best thing you can do for yourself.
It’s okay to take some time to grieve about the divorce. But don’t spend too much time wondering why your partner didn’t love you enough to stay.
Instead, focus on rebuilding your self-esteem with these three practical steps.
1. Understand You Are Not a Failure
No one marries assuming they’re eventually going to go through a divorce. So, when a divorce does occur, it’s easy to feel like you’ve failed. This is an unhealthy and harmful way to look at your separation from your spouse. And it’s a direct blow to your self-esteem.
You are not a failure, and the marriage didn’t dissolve because of your actions, alone. Your marriage simply ran its full course.
Think about all of the things you learned throughout your marriage. How can you use those lessons to move forward? When you think of your relationship as a learning experience, it’s easier to feel less like a failure and to use it as motivation to do better in your next chapter of life.
2. List What You Like About Yourself
This might seem like a silly exercise at first, but try making a list of the things you like about yourself and the things you’re good at. You’re not bragging and you’re not trying to boost your ego in doing this. It’s simply to serve as a reminder that you are worthy of love, and that there are many great things you have to offer.
If you’re having trouble coming up with some ideas, think about what other people might say about you. Or ask them!
Your list doesn’t have to be overly-complicated. Do you love the way your hair looks? Write it down. Do you make the world’s best chocolate chip cookies? Write it down. Even the smallest things can have a big impact on how you see yourself.
3. Get Support When You Need It
It’s easy to feel totally alone when you’re going through a divorce. Thousands of people deal with divorces every year. But sometimes, those statistics don’t matter to someone going through it. Isolating yourself or trying to work through your emotions on your own isn’t always healthy. This is especially true if your divorce knocked out your self-esteem.
Surround yourself with people who will support you. Family and friends can be great sources of encouragement. They can remind you of who you are and why you are easy to love. Plus, because divorce is so common, there are also support groups specifically designed for individuals going through it. Just being able to talk to someone with similar experiences can help you to see that you’re not alone and you’re not unworthy.
If you’re still struggling with a crushed self-esteem despite help from loved ones or a support group, talking to a professional can be greatly beneficial. A compassionate therapist can make a big difference in how you feel about yourself. Eventually, the divorce process will be done and you need to be able to move on with confidence. Taking active steps to find your self-worth once again will make your post-divorce life easier and happier.
If you’re going through a divorce or you need help re-establishing your sense of self, please contact the San Diego Divorce Counseling Center at www.DivorceCounselingCenter.com and click the Book Online button, or call us at 619-865-3203 to set up an appointment.