Going through a divorce is one of the most stressful, life-changing events a person can deal with. Even the most amicable of divorces be stressful to your life. Divorce can uproot you from everything you’re familiar with to a life that feels like it’s not your own.

Some divorces can be contentious. You might end up in court fighting for everything from your belongings to your children.

It can be a quick process for some, and a long, drawn-out experience for others. Divorce can be expensive, adding to the stress and making you wonder what you’re going to do next, or how you can “get out of this mess.”

Is divorce ruining your life? It might feel like it.

But you can assuage your fears when it comes to “what’s next?” for your future. This is a life change, of course, but it doesn’t have to ruin your life in the process.

Remind Yourself of Your Goals

When you’re in the middle of a divorce, it’s often the uncertainty that causes fear. You might wonder where you’ll be in a year, or what your life will look like from now on.

While none of us can predict the future, there are many aspects of your life you still have control over. One way to calm your fears is to write down your goals. Where do you want to be after your divorce? What do you want your life to look like?

Things may not work out exactly as planned. But, by setting goals for your future, you will have something to work toward….. or, at least think about. That can bring you hope. It can even be exciting as you start a fresh chapter and work toward something more rewarding.

Know You Aren’t Starting Over

Does your divorce make you feel like you’re starting your life over from the ground up? How overwhelming does that sound?

Thankfully, it isn’t true.

You may have been one half of your marriage, but your partnership with someone didn’t dictate your entire life. Maybe you have to move to a different house. Maybe your living situation with your children will be different.

But you can continue to focus on the things that stayed the same. Do you still have the same job? Can you still live in the same neighborhood? Do your friends and family still support you the way they always have?

On top of leaning on familiarities, consider this time in your life a moment to start a new chapter. It’s not about starting over, it’s about going down a different path. When you look at things that way, you might even start to see that this new path as interesting, exciting and new opportunity to redefine yourself and your values.

Move Forward and Find Support

It’s important to acknowledge the stress of divorce. Yes, it will change your life in some ways. But that doesn’t mean it will ruin it or that you will have to, “start over.” In fact, depending on your situation, it may end up being a good thing that gives you the freedom you deserve.

Having the right outlook and a plan of action in place can make a big difference in how you feel and how you respond to your divorce.

If you would like more information about your choices in the divorce process, please attend our Second Saturday Divorce workshop; www.SecondSaturdaySouthBay.com.

If you’re going through a divorce and need help re-establishing your sense of self or if you need assistance in preparing for mediation at Family Court Services, please visit our website at www.DivorceCounselingCenter.com or contact us at info@DivorceCounselingCenter.com, or call 619-865-3203 to set up an appointment.