The circumstances leading up to a divorce can feel overwhelming to anyone.

Because emotions are running high and your attorney is likely using terminology you’ve never heard of before, it’s important to take a step back and consider what life will be like when the divorce is final.

Identifying both short and long-term goals for your divorce will make the process smoother for you. It will also help you to develop a strategy with your attorney so you can get the results you want.

But it’s not always easy to focus on what you truly want. The first step is to define your goals. This includes goals for yourself and your children if any are involved.

Let’s take a closer look at how you can identify these goals and what you can do to achieve them throughout the divorce process.

Don’t Act in Anger

Depending on the circumstances of your divorce, you may have been hurt by your spouse. Or maybe you’re angry with them. These factors can play a big part in how you feel about your goals and what you’re willing to do to achieve them.

Keep an open mind when you’re considering your end goals. It’s never a good idea to fight for something just because you’re trying to get back at your spouse or hurt them in retaliation. Instead, think about what you really need, both on a short-term basis and in the future.

A good question to ask yourself is, “What story do I want to tell about how we divorced?”

Sometimes it is helpful to talk about your pain and disappointment before even thinking about the future.

Decide Which Goals Are Important

If you’re having trouble identifying your goals, try writing down what’s important to you. What do you want your life to look like when the divorce is over? What do you want it to look like in five years? Ten years?

If you have children, they should be a big part of what’s included in your goals. After all, you will likely have to co-parent. Other things to consider are finances, living arrangements, and even future relationships.

By breaking down your goals into what’s important now and what’s important in the future, you can create a solid plan for yourself. With that in place, you might not feel so overwhelmed by the entire divorce process.

Furthermore, if you share your goals and desires with your soon to be ex-spouse, they might be more willing to reach an amicable agreement with you so you can both get what you want. This saves time, money, and a lot of tension in a courtroom.

How to Reach Your Goals in a Divorce

Keep in mind, once you have decided to divorce, the next most important question is, “How?” will you go about it? Deciding “How” to divorce is directly related to your end goals. Through Divorce Coaching and Counseling, clients have been able to find the path that works best for them and their family.

If you’re going through a divorce or you need help re-engaging your sense of self, please contact the San Diego Divorce Counseling Center at and click the Book Online button, or call us at 619-865-3203, to set up an appointment.