Going through a divorce is never an easy process. Even if things ended amicably, it’s a major life change. On top of that, it’s a loss.
That’s why so many people end up grieving after a divorce.
The grieving process is normal, and throughout that process, it’s important to find ways to heal and recover. Eventually, you’ll need to be able to move forward in your life and start your next chapter. Being able to heal along the way will make that easier and will allow you to find some peace as you start over on your own.
Showing yourself kindness is the best way to do that. If you’re feeling stuck and aren’t sure how to be self-compassionate right now, let’s look at a few encouraging ideas.
Finding Your Safe/Calm Space
You might be tempted to push forward in your life at full speed after a divorce. Sometimes, distracting yourself can be okay, but don’t let yourself become overwhelmed. You might be stressing yourself out without even realizing it.
Having a safe space to go to where you can unwind, decompress, and calm down is essential. It might be your bedroom, your bathroom, or even your car. Maybe you find tranquility in listening to the radio or taking a long bath.
Find what works for you in a place that promotes healing from the inside out. The more opportunities you have to feel secure and calm, the better.
Not Fighting Your Feelings
Again, divorce is hard. You’re losing someone you once loved (and perhaps still do). No matter what caused the split, it’s okay to be sad over it. Life will be different, and that will take some getting used to.
No one gets married thinking about getting a divorce at some point. So, going through it is sad for anyone, even if you know it’s for the best. Don’t tell yourself that you have to be strong right now, and don’t let others influence the way you feel. Give yourself time to be upset. By acknowledging those emotions, you’ll feel better faster.
Most importantly, remember there is no timeline! Everyone gets through the recovery process at a different pace and in different ways. You have to find what works best for you and don’t rush yourself through it.
Seeking Help If You Need It
You don’t have to go through life alone after a divorce. That’s one of the biggest problems people face—the feeling of loneliness. Finding a support system can help you to heal faster and get you through some of your darker, lonelier days.
Divorce is common and there are support groups available for men and women who are going through it (check out our website for info on groups! www.divorcecounselingcenter.com).
You can also lean on your family or friends to help if you need to be lifted up. Just make sure the people closest to you aren’t telling you how to live your life or bad-mouthing your former spouse. Those things might seem helpful at the time, but they can actually end up being hurtful and can cause even more emotional damage.
If you’re struggling to get through the recovery process, consider seeing a therapist or counselor. Sometimes, not only talking about what you’re feeling but learning more about how you can manage those feelings is the best way to really jump-start the healing process. A counselor can help you to do that safely and effectively.
If you’re going through a divorce or you need help re-establishing your sense of self, please contact the San Diego Divorce Counseling Center at www.DivorceCounselingCenter.com and click the Book Online button, or call us at 619-865-3203, to set up an appointment.