If you thought things were secure and your spouse suddenly files for a divorce, it can be the shock of a lifetime. You weren’t expecting this. And while you felt some recent disconnection with your spouse, you’ve felt this way before, and things always got better.
Have you ever gotten the wind knocked out of you (in the midst of a torrential rainstorm)? That’s what it can feel like when your spouse tells you they don’t love you anymore, and they don’t want to work on your marriage either. It’s like having been thrown into a tailspin.
Knowing it’s officially over, it’s easy to feel like your life is crumbling around you. And you may feel the need to simply shut down.
Experiencing the Symptoms of Trauma
As a result of this traumatic event, clients often say the feel like they are in a fog. It can keep you from thinking clearly, making even the simplest decisions, getting things done at work or at home, and just leave you in a muddle.
Aside from not being able to think clearly, some of the signs of this divorce-induced fog include things like:
- Feeling disoriented
- Memory loss
- Difficulty understanding concepts
Finding it hard to focus and concentrate on specific things is a telltale sign of being in a fog. And the unexpected trauma of divorce can make it hard to get through each day without feeling like you can’t do the things you normally do.
Thankfully, you can clear this fog of divorce and work through the trauma with a little help.
Dealing with the Fear in the Fog
One thing that tends to hit people the hardest when their spouse wants a divorce is fear.
You may ask yourself questions like “What am I going to do now?” or “What should I have done differently? “These questions can actually drag you deeper into the fog of your own thoughts. They can also lead to bigger issues, like depression, as you may begin to feel both helpless and hopeless. Plus, these questions may also make you start thinking about the past or worrying about the future.
One of the best things you can do in these situations is to remain focused on the present. Take one step at a time when it comes to working through your confusion and uncertainty. Don’t rush it. During this time is will be important to find tolerance and compassion for yourself.
How Therapy Can Help with the Fog of Divorce
A rational perspective isn’t always easy to achieve when you’re going through a divorce. As mentioned at the outset, this is especially true if you weren’t expecting it.
Because being blindsided by divorce can cause guilt, anxiety, and even depression, seeking out the help of a therapist can make a huge difference. Therapy can help you find your sense of self again and start seeing clearly once again. You can re-develop your values and gain a deeper understanding of what is important to you. With counseling you will learn to tolerate distress, manage emotions, and become effective in communicating your wants and needs- the skills you learn will not only get you admirably through your divorce, you will be able to use them in all other aspects of your life.
Of course, having a strong support system throughout your divorce is important. Certainly, the compassionate aid and companionship of family and friends are of indisputable value.
However, the emotional support of a trained professional can not only give you comfort, it can also help you to move forward. And that’s really the end goal.
If you’re going through a divorce or you need help regaining your sense of self, please contact the San Diego Divorce Counseling Center at www.DivorceCounselingCenter.com and click the Book Online button, or call us at 619-865-3203, to set up an appointment.