All of us gets angry from time to time. It’s a normal human emotion that can be triggered by a variety of things.

Of course, everyone experiences anger differently and everyone expresses it differently. But it’s how you interact with others when you’re angry that makes a difference.

Anger is okay, but taking it out on other people is not. Communication doesn’t stop just because you’re feeling angry. So, you have to know how to do it effectively.

But, how do you do that when your feelings of anger want to take over?

Accept Your Anger but Don’t Respond with It

Again, it’s important to understand that anger is a normal emotion. When you feel angry, don’t try to deny it or “shove it down.” Often, that only makes things worse. Anger needs some type of outlet.

With that being said, don’t respond to anger with anger. If someone else is angry (a spouse, partner, etc.) with you, choose to communicate your own feelings back in a more positive way. Take a step back and try to figure out why the other person is angry. That can help to douse any underlying feelings of anger that want to creep up within you, and can also help to calm the other person involved.

Stick to Your Point

When you’re angry, you’re typically angry about something in particular. If you’re trying to communicate your frustrations to your spouse, try to stick to that particular subject. It’s far too easy to bring everything that bothers you into a conversation.

Doing that will cause you to become more frustrated and could put your partner on the defensive. By sticking to the topic at hand, you’re more likely to come to a resolution faster and eliminate the source of what’s making you angry.

Be Willing to Listen

Interaction is a two-way street. It’s important to quiet your inner dialogue that wants to do nothing more than come forward and have you express your anger. The other person involved could have a completely different perspective of the situation. Listening to that perspective will make it easier to calm down and come to a resolution together.

Sometimes, when you know a person’s true feelings or how they view a particular situation, you might stop feeling mad about it right away. Misconceptions often lead to misunderstandings, which makes it easier to become angry. Get to the truth and the reality of the situation as quickly as possible.

Of course, in the heat of anger, it’s not always easy to stop yourself or the way you’re feeling. So, it’s okay to ask if you can take a step back or have a “time out” from the conversation. Sometimes, stepping away from the situation even for a few minutes can help you to see things more rationally. It can often make you realize that some of your anger is misplaced and unnecessary.

Letting Go of Anger to Achieve the Results You Want

At The San Diego Divorce Counseling Center, we believe feelings are feelings. Anger happens, and so does rage. You shouldn’t try to hide those feelings or ignore them. But, when you act out in anger (especially in a relationship), it’s harder to achieve the things you really want.

Acting out in anger makes it nearly impossible to negotiate successfully. It can make co-parenting difficult, and can even change the way others think about you or respect you.

If you have an anger problem or its starting to hinder the way you communicate, we can assist. Not only do we offer counseling to help you get to the root of your anger, but we can also teach you the skills needed to get through those difficult times. Anger can be overwhelming, and responding the right way will help you to communicate effectively.

If you’re going through a divorce or you need help re-establishing your sense of self, please contact the San Diego Divorce Counseling Center at and click the Call Now button, or call us at 619-865-3203, to set up an appointment